StacyCat’s World of Thought

This was the title of one of my KinkForAll presentations. I taped it, and may put it up shortly.

I do have some extra information, and some errata.

A question was asked about how long Hepatitis lives on surfaces. From
a few different sources, it seems as up to 4 days. One study (animal testing) found
that dried samples were still infectious at 16 hours, and possibly up
to 4 days, but not longer than that.

I have a few sources about infection rates of different STIs, and I will
get them into a blog post soon

I do want to correct a statistic. According to am HIV per act risk paper, the per act risk of HIV
transmission by an anally receptive partner with an HIV infected Top
is five in 1000, not 1 in 1000. I apologize. In any case, the article is a fascinating (at least to me, being a statistics geek) study in how to quantify risk acts, and our choices of partners and activities.

Kinkforall is coming up again! #KFANYC2

I will be there, though may have to leave early. And, I have no idea what to present on.

Though, I love the concept. A while ago, I attended a panel discussion on the difference between BDSM and Leather. It seemed very elitist to me, and I didnt like it. One of the comments was “BDSM lets anybody teach.”

Damn right! The whole concept behind KinkForAll is that 1) all of us have valuable information to share and present, and 2) the 20 minute time frame forces us to condense our information into a small time frame, so of course it is not going to teach anything. Which is the point of why BDSM does so much education. Really, its not necessarily to be the end all be all of what you need to know. Rather, it is a spark, of seeing our interests and then finding out where we need to go to learn more. You will not learn suspension in one non participatory class, but you will learn basic safety, and where to go for more information.

(end rant)

I had a dream last night that I was attempting to give my STI class with Wendy Blackheart, and it did not work, because I was waiting for her to talk about anal, and she was pressuring me to talk about STIs, and then the participants started heckling both of us!

I think I want to do a Body Image and acceptance class. Like a size acceptance 101 in the BDSM scene.

I might give the STI class just talking about how people think about STIs and their perceptions of how it impacts their lives and their sexual choices.

I might give a discussion to talk about the future of sex professionals, like sex therapists, counselors, Kink aware professionals, etc. It would be a fun discussion, but I am unsure how to word it so that it is not about sex work. Which is awesome that there is the environment that sex workers are appreciated and respected But it is not quite the target audience.

I have been prompted to do an academic sex presentation, like how to do academic research with sexually oriented subjects. I do feel inadequate in this area, but it might dovetail with the above.

Any other suggestions?

I am fat. I used to be more fat, and I used to be less fat. But, I am my current body, and I am fat.

An excellent post came across my feed reader at Everyday Sociology. The blog post details several of the reasons why the ideal women’s body shape and size has been influenced by the media and by the social environment.

Several people point out that larger women are the ideal in many countries around the world. Many of these countries, and indeed within history, those in impoverished economic conditions prefer those who are larger, as a symbol of abundance. The article above points out that in the middle of the Great Depression, magazine articles were about weight gain, and not weight loss.

So, ponder why we let the media dictate our preferences. Why do we let the media get away with it?

Ive been pondering many things lately. (Along with a move!)

I remember a while ago when a Livejournal Community attacked a sex blogger over her use of “biocock.” Their reasoning tended to be along the lines of “it is still my cock, even if it is not my flesh and blood.”

And I agree. But I do not think the “general public” does.

I took a Women’s Studies class. We watched a film about a FTM. In the film, he discussed how to disclose his status to his dating partners, and at what point in the relationship to talk about it. After the film, during the discussion, one of my classmates said that if she were dating a guy that was a FTM, who didnt tell her, that the guy would be lying.

I asked her if she would feel the same outrage over a dating partner who previously had a penis, but whose penis was removed during an accident. She did not feel the same outrage about that. Which seems to mean, for her (and, most likely many other people), it is all about the current or former presence of a cock.

It is about the penis. Apparently, to many people, it is the presence of a flesh and blood penis makes a “man.” And, this distinction is typically from one’s childhood, as MTFs are commonly referred to as “she used to have a dick!” The body of a female is not necessarily defined as having a vagina, but rather the absence of a penis. (In discussions about intersexuality, it previously was the size of the penis/clitoris at birth that determines the sex of the child.)

In addition, many people, when faced with a transgender person, want to know the status of their genitals. As if their vagina or penis is the final verdict of their sex, and that we can deal with a masculine looking woman as a woman, rather than as a man (because, after all, it is their lack of a cock that makes them not a man). Because, again, it is reduced to their genitals, rather than their gender.

How to we change gender perceptions from genitals to gender? Sociology classes, and many other social sciences make a firm distinction between biological sex (which is murky enough), and social and individual gender. But, how do we expand this concept into the mainstream? How do we get across the idea assuming the status of another genitals, or that people are entitled to know the state of anothers genitals? As many of my transgender friends have said to idiots asking about it, “Do you go up to a random person on the street and ask about their pussy or dick?”

So, how can we change this?

I attended a lovely tea party this weekend, hosted by Viviane. I finally got to meet the infamous Jefferson, who was famous before I met him.

I had a discussion on sex blogs, and the purpose of them, and having a dedicated sex blog vs a more general life one. Which made me think of the purpose of my blog.

The purpose of my blog is to make you think.

I dont write about all of my sexual escapades. (There would be far too many to write, and I am very happy about that.) But, as sex focused as I am, my life is not all about sex.

However, I do think that one needs to integrate their sexuality into their daily lives. Sex positive thinking permeates all aspects of our lives, because it affects all parts of our lives. If we can be confident in our sexual lives, if we can communicate to partners our likes and dislikes, if we can not be ashamed of our sexual feelings, these factors all translate into better functioning in one’s life. And this is the purpose for the blog. To change the world through sex positive thinking.

So, posts on Racism, cisgender privilege, the funny things in my blackberry (such as, the spell check recognizes “orgies” but not “orgasm,” and what that says about our culture), all of these relate to a better and more positive world view.

And I promise to write more sex stuff

I love statistics.

I loved quantitative methods. My thesis used advanced multi-variable STATA statistics, and I loved it. Figuring out that I can put all these numbers together to get real meaning out of it, ah, that was lovely.

I also make a few decisions in my life based on statistics, and I think it is where I differ from some other people.

One cannot keep themselves completely safe from everything that can kill or harm them. Everyone makes their own choices of what we do to keep ourselves safe.

Some of us choose to take safer sex measures and do not require months of testing from our partners. Some may require some tests but not others, others insist on testing but dont actually know what they are testing for, and some just say “fuck it” and dont take any precautions.

Statistically, some of these choices, on average, may protect the individuals from contracting an STI. Statistically, even if you are doing everything possible, you can get an STI. The real question lies in where on the spectrum you are.

Some take the viewpoint that any STI is going to be a life changing horrifying experience, and thus they do not partake in any sexual play with anyone else. Some say that condoms protect against most, and they are okay with it. Some people care about herpes, some about HPV, some about HIV/AIDS, and these affect the sexual choices that we make.

I was reading another blog which referenced a post at The Frisky titled Is it Necessary to Always Tell Partners About Your STD Status

Short answer: Yes.

Longer answer. I am a slut, and I can have sex with many people within a short period of time. I dont necessarily ask about STD status before getting sexually involved with an individual. I always use condoms with partners, and I have never been diagnosed with an STI.

If a partner asks me about my STD status, my typical response is “I was tested on X date for X STIs, and have had sex with X number of people since.” If that is too high risk for the other people, then we dont have sex. Easy.

I did have an instance in which a person did not disclose their HSV2 status to me. I waited three months to get tested (because it takes that long to show, usually), but I also didnt have the chance to be slutty in that timeframe. But, I worried about HSV2 and the non disclosure, when I have had plenty of partners with HSV1 and they didnt mention it. Why is one more serious than the other?

I am lucky that I tend to hang out with a crowd that does disclose their HSV1 status, sometimes. But I also dont worry about it. So many people have HSV1 and HPV that I would severely limit my sexual partners if I chose not to sleep with individuals who had it. That does not seem to be a good choice on my part, but it is perfectly acceptable to those that have undergone their own risk analysis.

But part of the destigmatization of STIs is the normalization of disclosure. If people are freely disclosing their HSV1 and HPV status (if known), then having frank conversations about the nature of herpes and HPV may lead to less stigmatization of HSV2 and other STIs. Because stigma leads to people not getting tested for herpes, and to individuals not disclosing their STI status if they are known.

I am buying rope here in the next week or so. May not be here before TESFest, though.

But, I am also buying a large enough quantity that I can sell a few pieces. I am seeing if there is any interest in a particular color before I place my order.

I am looking at 5/16ths Solid Braid MFP (Multifilament Polypropylene). Color choices are either navy blue, Kelly green, burgundy, silver, aqua, teal, or purple. (I am leaning towards the purple, but could be swayed to any of these

Sale price would be .25 cents a foot, cut and ends finished (by burning). Delivery at almost any Kink event in the NYC area, or at another mutually agreeable NYC location. I could ship elsewhere, probably for 10 bucks Priority Mail.

If you would like some rope, let me know what color(s) you would like

SarahSloane Wrote a great piece about kink and real life.

I would like to highlight number 2.

2. Negotiation – if you can’t go back to a cash register to have an overcharged item corrected & get the refund, you shouldn’t be negotiating play or sex, either.

Besides the “should” language, the comparison is a good one. I would argue that the ability to negotiate play and sex will lead to more assertiveness in daily life, but perhaps it is the opposite, or a reciprocal effect.

Speaking up for yourself tends to be a virtue that not many people are told. Its not an inconvenience to get what is rightfully yours, it is not a bother to ask for the sex and safer sex that you want.

My main premise behind my campaign for stigma reduction is that stigma affects how individuals act. Typically, a reduction in stigma will result in an increase in positive and healthy behaviors.

I was reading a blog about passive barriers. The author used the idea that women dont carry condoms as a point.

Our safer sex education, while sorely lacking, seems to have done a pretty good job equating condoms with safer sex. However, the society at large also has equated condoms with sex itself, which is still stigmatized and shamed.

http://www.latrobe.edu.au/ssay/assets/downloads/meaning%20safe%20sex.pdf

The Australian teenagers in this study showed that girls had harder times buying condoms and carrying them, because of the social stigma against girls and sex. Boys were more likely to purchase and carry condoms, because they could easily play it off as experimentation, or that they are allowed to have sex without social ruin.

Both genders expressed issues with condom discussions, because it typically meant that intercourse was desired. (I once answered a question about “How did I know my partner consented” with “when he puts on a condom.”) The condom is the last barrier to sex negotiations, and typically is not discussed because it means *gasp* that the people want to have sex.

Interestingly enough, over the entire sample (which 60% did not have intercourse), most believed that the girl was the one to supply the condom.

One of the ways that we can slow the growth of STIs, and reduce unwanted pregnancies, is by sex positive education. If teenagers (especially girls, but everyone needs to know) are able to communicate with their partners without stigma and shame, they can make more empowered decisions about their health.