StacyCat’s World of Thought

This was the title of one of my KinkForAll presentations. I taped it, and may put it up shortly.

I do have some extra information, and some errata.

A question was asked about how long Hepatitis lives on surfaces. From
a few different sources, it seems as up to 4 days. One study (animal testing) found
that dried samples were still infectious at 16 hours, and possibly up
to 4 days, but not longer than that.

I have a few sources about infection rates of different STIs, and I will
get them into a blog post soon

I do want to correct a statistic. According to am HIV per act risk paper, the per act risk of HIV
transmission by an anally receptive partner with an HIV infected Top
is five in 1000, not 1 in 1000. I apologize. In any case, the article is a fascinating (at least to me, being a statistics geek) study in how to quantify risk acts, and our choices of partners and activities.

Kinkforall is coming up again! #KFANYC2

I will be there, though may have to leave early. And, I have no idea what to present on.

Though, I love the concept. A while ago, I attended a panel discussion on the difference between BDSM and Leather. It seemed very elitist to me, and I didnt like it. One of the comments was “BDSM lets anybody teach.”

Damn right! The whole concept behind KinkForAll is that 1) all of us have valuable information to share and present, and 2) the 20 minute time frame forces us to condense our information into a small time frame, so of course it is not going to teach anything. Which is the point of why BDSM does so much education. Really, its not necessarily to be the end all be all of what you need to know. Rather, it is a spark, of seeing our interests and then finding out where we need to go to learn more. You will not learn suspension in one non participatory class, but you will learn basic safety, and where to go for more information.

(end rant)

I had a dream last night that I was attempting to give my STI class with Wendy Blackheart, and it did not work, because I was waiting for her to talk about anal, and she was pressuring me to talk about STIs, and then the participants started heckling both of us!

I think I want to do a Body Image and acceptance class. Like a size acceptance 101 in the BDSM scene.

I might give the STI class just talking about how people think about STIs and their perceptions of how it impacts their lives and their sexual choices.

I might give a discussion to talk about the future of sex professionals, like sex therapists, counselors, Kink aware professionals, etc. It would be a fun discussion, but I am unsure how to word it so that it is not about sex work. Which is awesome that there is the environment that sex workers are appreciated and respected But it is not quite the target audience.

I have been prompted to do an academic sex presentation, like how to do academic research with sexually oriented subjects. I do feel inadequate in this area, but it might dovetail with the above.

Any other suggestions?

Ive been pondering many things lately. (Along with a move!)

I remember a while ago when a Livejournal Community attacked a sex blogger over her use of “biocock.” Their reasoning tended to be along the lines of “it is still my cock, even if it is not my flesh and blood.”

And I agree. But I do not think the “general public” does.

I took a Women’s Studies class. We watched a film about a FTM. In the film, he discussed how to disclose his status to his dating partners, and at what point in the relationship to talk about it. After the film, during the discussion, one of my classmates said that if she were dating a guy that was a FTM, who didnt tell her, that the guy would be lying.

I asked her if she would feel the same outrage over a dating partner who previously had a penis, but whose penis was removed during an accident. She did not feel the same outrage about that. Which seems to mean, for her (and, most likely many other people), it is all about the current or former presence of a cock.

It is about the penis. Apparently, to many people, it is the presence of a flesh and blood penis makes a “man.” And, this distinction is typically from one’s childhood, as MTFs are commonly referred to as “she used to have a dick!” The body of a female is not necessarily defined as having a vagina, but rather the absence of a penis. (In discussions about intersexuality, it previously was the size of the penis/clitoris at birth that determines the sex of the child.)

In addition, many people, when faced with a transgender person, want to know the status of their genitals. As if their vagina or penis is the final verdict of their sex, and that we can deal with a masculine looking woman as a woman, rather than as a man (because, after all, it is their lack of a cock that makes them not a man). Because, again, it is reduced to their genitals, rather than their gender.

How to we change gender perceptions from genitals to gender? Sociology classes, and many other social sciences make a firm distinction between biological sex (which is murky enough), and social and individual gender. But, how do we expand this concept into the mainstream? How do we get across the idea assuming the status of another genitals, or that people are entitled to know the state of anothers genitals? As many of my transgender friends have said to idiots asking about it, “Do you go up to a random person on the street and ask about their pussy or dick?”

So, how can we change this?

I attended a lovely tea party this weekend, hosted by Viviane. I finally got to meet the infamous Jefferson, who was famous before I met him.

I had a discussion on sex blogs, and the purpose of them, and having a dedicated sex blog vs a more general life one. Which made me think of the purpose of my blog.

The purpose of my blog is to make you think.

I dont write about all of my sexual escapades. (There would be far too many to write, and I am very happy about that.) But, as sex focused as I am, my life is not all about sex.

However, I do think that one needs to integrate their sexuality into their daily lives. Sex positive thinking permeates all aspects of our lives, because it affects all parts of our lives. If we can be confident in our sexual lives, if we can communicate to partners our likes and dislikes, if we can not be ashamed of our sexual feelings, these factors all translate into better functioning in one’s life. And this is the purpose for the blog. To change the world through sex positive thinking.

So, posts on Racism, cisgender privilege, the funny things in my blackberry (such as, the spell check recognizes “orgies” but not “orgasm,” and what that says about our culture), all of these relate to a better and more positive world view.

And I promise to write more sex stuff

I love statistics.

I loved quantitative methods. My thesis used advanced multi-variable STATA statistics, and I loved it. Figuring out that I can put all these numbers together to get real meaning out of it, ah, that was lovely.

I also make a few decisions in my life based on statistics, and I think it is where I differ from some other people.

One cannot keep themselves completely safe from everything that can kill or harm them. Everyone makes their own choices of what we do to keep ourselves safe.

Some of us choose to take safer sex measures and do not require months of testing from our partners. Some may require some tests but not others, others insist on testing but dont actually know what they are testing for, and some just say “fuck it” and dont take any precautions.

Statistically, some of these choices, on average, may protect the individuals from contracting an STI. Statistically, even if you are doing everything possible, you can get an STI. The real question lies in where on the spectrum you are.

Some take the viewpoint that any STI is going to be a life changing horrifying experience, and thus they do not partake in any sexual play with anyone else. Some say that condoms protect against most, and they are okay with it. Some people care about herpes, some about HPV, some about HIV/AIDS, and these affect the sexual choices that we make.

Yes, I used to do porn. Online pornography. Hardcore, fetish, cute little pictures, etc. This domain, in fact, used to be my porn website.

I stopped, because it was not fun anymore. Rather, I stopped because my partner at the time was not supportive of it, and I had no time to do pictures, and no photographer to do them.

Still, I kinda miss it. There is no good porn out there with fat girls doing BDSM. (I am told that there is one in the works, which will be AWESOME!)

I also think that pornography can be a good thing, provided that one is willing to view a variety of images. If the only thing that you look at are small blond girls who like fucking strangers, then you will become accustomed to that type of pornography, and it might have detrimental effects if you are dating, say, a beautiful fat girl with big tits. (Then again, it may not, it might provide variety. But, like with my advice for masturbation and sex: if you only do it one way, it becomes much harder to do it other ways.)

So, take a look at porn. Look at lots of porn. Enjoy a wide variety of porn. Your sex life will thank you.

Posted January 7th, 2007

Wow.

Normally, I dont find myself in the middle of two beautiful women. Apparently, one of my friends that collects women (in a good way) has hyped me up to the point that I am almost automatically accepted with whomever he dates. So, joining them while naked on the floor is an okay occurrence. (I always check with them, if not occupied, or with my other friend to make sure its okay before just jumping in.)

I went to a BDSM party last night. I started the night beating my friends ass, then putting (and taking off, and pulling off) clothespins from his cock and balls. There is just something very erotic about causing pain to someone else (with their consent, of course). Of course, I get extremely horny from sadism. I have also been in the mood for rough sex, but didnt have anyone there that I could fulfill that with.

So, I went upstairs to where my friend and his girls were, and they had picked up a new couple to the party. The female part of the couple was sort of kneeling on her knees, but bent over, so her breasts were really shown off. She has beautiful breasts with very long and suckable nipples, and creamy skin that I loved to lick and kiss. To make it easier, this woman was in white underwear. The other girl was in red underwear. She also has beautiful breasts, short “freshly fucked” hair (that just makes most women seem more beautiful), and the ability to orgasm without direct stimulation, just a verbal cue.

So, it started out with me enjoying the view up close, touching both of the women, just soft touching and slight nipple tweaks. The red underwear’s boyfriend motioned to me, and said to whisper “cum” in her ear. I leaned over, grabbed her hair, and said “Cum.” She did, of course. That instance brought me more into the other girls, and all three of us were licking, biting and sucking on each other. We moved on to the bed, the girl in red had a few more orgasms; the girl in white discovered my piercings and loved them! Since I was both giving out some pain and accepting some from her, she asked which role I preferred to play. I said, “For you, you are so beautiful, I would be whatever you want me to be.” We then discussed with her Dom about how hard it is to find people that you are comfortable switching with. We then learned that she had never had an orgasm through a vibrator, so we retired to a bedroom to introduce her to the Hitachi (the best sex toy ever

In the bedroom, we put the girl in white on her back, with me on one side, the girl in red on the other, and the guys were down on the lower half. Us girls were all kissing on each other, sucking and biting nipples, rubbing over each other, basically sensual stuff (with biting). After we had been playing a while, she wasnt cumming with the Hitachi, so I reached down there with my fingers to provide extra stimulation. First, I played around the clit to de-intensify some of the vibrations, then inside her pussy to play with her GSpot. I had forgotten what a cool experience it was to have my hands inside a woman. It felt amazing.

Eventually, she got tired of the sensations, and we stopped. I dont think she came, which is a big shame Then, it was my turn!

Honestly, I do not remember most of it! I didnt have an orgasm, but I was at that point just underneath it, where everything felt pleasurable. I’ll hit the highlights, in no particular order.

Biting. I have to remember that telling a vanilla that I like it rough will get me almost what I want, whereas telling that to someone into BDSM gets my nipple very very sore! (In a good way, just slightly harder than I usually like it). She bit me. Hard. Bit my nipples, bit my thighs, even bit the top part of my labia right above my clit. Man, that hurt, but in such a good way.

Using the Hitachi like a strap on. There was a point that she was leaning over me, probably to bite my nipples, and had the vibrator sandwiched between us. Add a little rocking motion, and it was very very nice.

Almost fisting. I define fisting as wrist deep, what I was able to do with my ex girlfriend. So far, no one has succeeded in doing that to me. This woman got the furthest, just slightly past her knuckles, but it was still kinda painful. However, I had her boyfriend and another playmate of mine distracting me by biting my neck and playing with my nipples, so that helped. Also, being able to grab onto her boyfriend and brace myself was very cool. So, I guess I’ll only be fisted in a group situation Which can be nice!

I think thats it!

I will be on a sex blogger panel at TESFest! It is Saturday at 3:30 to 5pm. Later that night is a BBW Swim (11pm) , hosted by my friend and moderator of said sex blogger panel, Wendy Blackheart.

One Day Passes are available at the hotel, Saturday is $90, which includes all of the Saturday classes, the dungeon, all of the events, and the pool parties You can still sign up for the full event, from Thursday to Sunday night, for 195, or two days for 145 (prices for TES members are cheaper.)

In honor of being on a sex blogger panel, I will be posting some of my previous sex writing Enjoy that over the next few days until the panel

SarahSloane Wrote a great piece about kink and real life.

I would like to highlight number 2.

2. Negotiation – if you can’t go back to a cash register to have an overcharged item corrected & get the refund, you shouldn’t be negotiating play or sex, either.

Besides the “should” language, the comparison is a good one. I would argue that the ability to negotiate play and sex will lead to more assertiveness in daily life, but perhaps it is the opposite, or a reciprocal effect.

Speaking up for yourself tends to be a virtue that not many people are told. Its not an inconvenience to get what is rightfully yours, it is not a bother to ask for the sex and safer sex that you want.

My main premise behind my campaign for stigma reduction is that stigma affects how individuals act. Typically, a reduction in stigma will result in an increase in positive and healthy behaviors.

I was reading a blog about passive barriers. The author used the idea that women dont carry condoms as a point.

Our safer sex education, while sorely lacking, seems to have done a pretty good job equating condoms with safer sex. However, the society at large also has equated condoms with sex itself, which is still stigmatized and shamed.

http://www.latrobe.edu.au/ssay/assets/downloads/meaning%20safe%20sex.pdf

The Australian teenagers in this study showed that girls had harder times buying condoms and carrying them, because of the social stigma against girls and sex. Boys were more likely to purchase and carry condoms, because they could easily play it off as experimentation, or that they are allowed to have sex without social ruin.

Both genders expressed issues with condom discussions, because it typically meant that intercourse was desired. (I once answered a question about “How did I know my partner consented” with “when he puts on a condom.”) The condom is the last barrier to sex negotiations, and typically is not discussed because it means *gasp* that the people want to have sex.

Interestingly enough, over the entire sample (which 60% did not have intercourse), most believed that the girl was the one to supply the condom.

One of the ways that we can slow the growth of STIs, and reduce unwanted pregnancies, is by sex positive education. If teenagers (especially girls, but everyone needs to know) are able to communicate with their partners without stigma and shame, they can make more empowered decisions about their health.