I did a presentation on STI and sexual risks at KinkForAll New York (#kfanyc). That is a post that you will probably see in May 
But, first, a clarification of my viewpoint of sexual risks and risk taking behavior.
First, the viewpoint that I often take when it comes to sexual risk. Dan Savage (who you can love to hate) wrote this in his April 1 column.
Finally, people take calculated risks all the time for pleasures less essential than sex. You’re assuming a certain degree of risk—of injury, of death—every time you get in a car, go skiing, or order the chicken. We do what we can to minimize those risks (buckle the fuck up, wear a helmet, don’t order your chicken rare), but we don’t hold up deaths on highways, slopes, or at the dinner table as evidence that people who even think of driving, skiing, or chickening have to be out of their minds.
This is essentially what I view as sexual risk and reward. I calculate the risks that I am willing to take, and take them. I assume that everyone else does as well, so I make my own risk determinations, and do not make risk assessments for other people. And, when I am deciding to have sex with someone, I go through many of these risk factors in my head, and make my decision.
We do so many other things in our lives that are dangerous, yet we do them without blinking. About 37,000 people die in car crashes, yet we still take cars. Or, we take other forms of transportation that are safer, such as walking, subways and airplanes. Our wanting to travel outweighs the possible risks of dying while traveling. We can choose to drive without seatbelts at 100 mph, or we can choose to drive with seatbelts, or we can choose to travel another method. But, the option of “not traveling” is one that is not a viable option for the majority of the people.
In short: one should be aware of the sexual risks that they are taking, and balance that with the reward of their activity. For some, the risks of sex are not worth it, and they obstain. For others, the risks of sexual intimacy are extremely rewarding, and will outweigh most of the sexual risks.
Choose wisely.
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Only partially off-topic, when can we expect to see the recordings of your presentation at KinkForAll New York City online? It’s been over a month and lag time is a Very Big Demoralizer. If you need help getting it posted, please let me know.
An interesting subject, and one to which I’ve given much thought!
The place where I start to have my own serious doubts is here:
This is essentially what I view as sexual risk and reward. I calculate the risks that I am willing to take, and take them. I assume that everyone else does as well, so I make my own risk determinations, and do not make risk assessments for other people.
I do not believe that everyone thinks about risk. I know for a fact that my level of assessment will not align with everyone else. Furthermore, people lie, people behave thoughtlessly, and people sometimes do not have their own best interests at heart.
I have taken risks that many people would find beyond their comfort level. I accept that some will judge this. judge me, etc. I also know that I cannot rely on someone else to think in life-and-death terms with their genitals. The troubling thing about risky sexual behaviours is that it can and does impact others who Did Not agree to that level of risk.
I have a “Love the sinner hate the sin” approach to behaviour that is straight up risky. I think it is self-destructive, for example, to have multiple-partner unprotected anonymous sex. I’d equate that to riding naked and bare headed on a motorcycle in the rain at 134 MPH. You MIGHT live, sure. But ANY variation in an otherwise perfect storm and you are gonna be FAR more fucked up that you would be with a little protective gear. And hey, what about the person you slide in front of? Perhaps hit their car? Perhaps ruin their lives with your recklessness?
In any community there is the idea of shared goals. In a healthy sexual community, the shared goal often is mutual pleasurable exploration of sexuality. I find it troubling that, in the name of freedom, activities that can wreak so much havoc on people’s lives are seen as sacrosanct because people can “do with their lives as they want.”
We don’t live in bubbles. We blend mesh and bleed together. All of us.
I know there will never be a united front when it comes to sexual outliers. And that is part of what makes alternative lifestyle choices so personal. But I do wish there was a way to promote health and well-being and discourage truly dangerous behaviour while underscoring that your behaviour DOES impact others.
Peace.
Mollena